4.

reason to feel guilty, dirty. Transvestism was all right. Still it was a pity that such wonderful feelings could not be shared with your family or your friends. He knew it would be extremely diff- icult, if not impossible to make them understand. heard of a girl born without a body of her own? Horrors! It would be a form of suicide, if not she was such a pretty little thing as far as he visualized her in his dreams.

Anyway, who ever Get rid of her? actual murder. And

So the boy entered college at the age of 16 and continued to be a top student. He studied furiously because he knew that top students were sometimes awarded scholarships in the USA, and a scholarship would mean happiness for Susanna. He was actually work- ing for her, not for himself. He never was (and actually never has been) the most important member of this twosome. She was his twin sister, his baby, his ideal. Someone who was utterly dependent on him for her very existence. In order to make some money for the now assured trip he even worked in jobs which were loathsome to him but it was a sacrifice which he bravely made for "her" sake.

U.S.A!!! The Varsity show dream did not come true in his new surroundings. But "her" opportunities increased. Much of it was done secretly. She now began to take shape, both literally and figuratively. Since funds were scarce, she had to be satisfied with very little, but now, the end of the dark, hidden road was in sight. So he worked harder still. At times he even went hungry, but the alternative of having to go back home was unbearable. Susanna wanted to live and she meant it. She supplied the drive, the patience, the determination. And together they moved forward. She began to create (with feminine wiles) all sorts of opportun- ities to be invited to parties, weekends at some newly discovered friends', where she drew on his ability to dance to become a pass- able entertainer. The stage, show business, gave her the needed "respectability" and thus avoided condemnation. She found out that people would accept her without question as long as she pre- tended to be a female impersonator. And so she began to move in that direction.

By way of illustration let us see how she managed to appear in public as herself for the first time. Her "brother" was then a 21 year-old graduate student at a Midwestern college. Since cash was